Sebastian: Folks, I’m a boy. I promise.
Malcolm: Prove it.
Sebastian: Okay.
(pulls down his soccer shorts, everyone sees his privates)

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Justin: That’s right. Didn’t score on me last half won’t score on this half. I’m a ninja. Ninja Goalie.

Viola (as Sebastian): Quit blushing… that’s lame.
Duke: Shut up, I’m not blushing!

Duke: Um, uh, ok, so, should I ask her out?
Viola: No. You don’t want to freak her out; you’ve got to have a casual conversation first, hello?
Viola: Why do I get the feeling you don’t do this very often?
Duke: Man, I just, I’m not really good at talking to girls.
Viola: Why? You’re hot!
Duke: What?
Viola: Ya know, you’re an appealing guy- man- guy- guy man.

Viola (as Sebastian): I can do this. I am a dude. I am a hunky dude! I’m a badass hunky dude!

Olivia: You’re right.
Viola: I know.
Olivia: The next time I see Sebastian, I am gonna march right up to him…
Viola: You march.
Olivia: …I’m gonna tell him how I feel…
Viola: You tell him.
Olivia: …and then I’m going to kiss him so passionately…
Viola: What?
Olivia: …that even the people he hates will feel pleasure.