Viola (as Sebastian): I can do this. I am a dude. I am a hunky dude! I’m a badass hunky dude!

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Toby: She’s got a little somethin’ somethin’.
Andrew: Yeah… asthma and headgear.

Monique: Hello, Viola.
Viola: Oh, boy. This isn’t good.
Monique: And hello to you little… homewrecker.
Olivia: Uh, who are you?
Monique: I am Sebastian’s girlfriend.
Viola: Ex-Girl-Friend.
Monique: Okay. Everyone’s gotta stop saying that.
Olivia: Oh. You’re the girl he dumped in the pizza parlor the other day.
Monique: He did not dump me. We’re just going through a rough patch.
Olivia: Really? ‘Cause I heard he dumped you. He dumped you good. It was like a big, huge dumping.

Viola (as Sebastian): So, uh, you play the beautiful game… bros… brothers… brethren?

Daphne: Nonsense! You don’t need a man to wear a beautiful dress!
Paul: But it sure does help.

Toby: How come when I wanted to ask Eunice out everyone made fun of me, but then Sebastian likes her and suddenly she’s cool? Screw you guys. I hate high school.