Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.

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Princess Fiona: The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no.
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would’st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn’t… tst.
Princess Fiona: But… how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn’t in the job description.
The Donkey: Maybe it’s a perk.

Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now.

Donkey: Don’t die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light.

Gingerbread Man: No! Not the buttons! Not the gumdrop buttons!

The Donkey: C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.