Donkey: Don’t mess wit’ me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve Mastered the Stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it.

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Donkey: Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh and it is lovely. You know, you’re really quite a decorator. It’s amazing what you’ve done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.

Lord Farquaad: Now really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?

Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!

Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.

Donkey: This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles.