Helen: Who are you on the rebound from?
James: A girl called Pamela. It was 1974. We were eight. She left me for Gary Glitter. Gary Glitter!! All the other fellows were getting left for Greg Brady and Donny Osmond. I mean, I could have come to terms with that, given time, but Gary Glitter?? Oh she wanted to touch him there, yeah.

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Lydia: Hello? Why did you call me Russell? You know I hate that. Gerry?
Helen: No, actually it’s Helen. The last time we met I interrupted you faking your orgasm. I’m sorry I can’t be more specific. (puts the phone down)
Gerry: You know what I was thinking? Helen? You’re not leaving??
Helen: You’re a wanker, Gerry. A sad, sad wanker.

Helen: Look, James. I feel really bad about this. You know, under normal circumstances, etcetra etcetra. You seem like a nice guy. You’re funny, my friend Anna thinks you’re cute…
James: Wait. Wait! Your friend Anna thinks I’m cute?? Your friend ANNA thinks I’m cute? I just blew, what is this, two eighty five on the wrong girl!

James: Helen, sometimes God puts us with people just to cheer them up. I mean, I’m having a good time out with a moderatly attractive woman, but that’s it. I’m not looking to overstep my bounds…. by the way, do you prefer diamonds or sapphires? Oops. Sorry.
Helen: Moderately attractive?
James: See? I knew you were paying attention! I don’t know, lose the sad mouth, the meloncholy expression and I could get you an upgrade.

Russell: So let me get this straight, Helen walked in on you and Lydia and she won’t talk to you and Lydia’s broken up with you.
Gerry: Yeah. What happend?
Russell: Well, to use boxing parlance if I may. Son, you just lost.

Gerry: You did remember to take out an ad in “Adulterers Weekly”?