Stuart Mackenzie: Would ya look at the size of that kid’s head! It’s a virtual planetoid and it has it’s own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!

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More from So I Married an Axe Murderer

May Mackenzie: Charlie, hand me the paper.
Charlie Mackenzie: Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News “the paper.” A paper contains facts.

Harriet Michaels: Do you actually like haggis?
Charlie Mackenzie: No, I think it’s repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.
Harriet: No.
Charlie Mackenzie: Please?

Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a woman you date?
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I’d really have to go with breast size.

Stuart Mackenzie: I’m not kidding, that boy’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.