Stuart Mackenzie: Would ya look at the size of that kid’s head! It’s a virtual planetoid and it has it’s own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!

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Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a woman you date?
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I’d really have to go with breast size.

Stuart Mackenzie: I’m not kidding, that boy’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Aye, now that was offsides, now wasn’t it? He’ll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.

Tony Giardino: Excuse me sir, I’m with the San Francisco police department, this is official police business. I would like to commandeer this vehicle!
Commandeered Driver: No.
Tony Giardino: What do you mean, “no”?
Commandeered Driver: I happen to know for a fact that you have no right to commandeer my vehicle.
Tony Giardino: Please, can I commandeer this vehicle?
Commandeered Driver: No.
Tony Giardino: You’re just not going to bend on this commandeering thing are you?
Commandeered Driver: No.

Stuart: Heed! Pants! Now!

Charlie: You know, what this room needs is a really big oversized poster of Atlantic City…oh wait, there’s one.