Betsy Faye Sharon: She came in yesterday. I don’t know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven… Claven… there’s no agent.
David Barnes: Find her.
Betsy Faye Sharon: Well, what if she can’t act?
Burton White: That never stopped us before!

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Celeste Talbert: Even for an actor, you’re an egomaniac!

Rose Schwartz: You know, I’d think you were acting, but you’ve never been this good.

Jeffrey Anderson: One more date we would’ve had a Greek tragedy on our hands.

Jeffrey Anderson: See, my – my theory is that all the characters are Hamlet: it’s all happening in Hamlet’s head. So you only need one actor.

Rose Schwartz: The guy was killed in an auto accident! I looked it up! He was driving in the Yukon, in a pink convertible, to visit his brother who’s an ex-con named Frances, when a tractor trailer comes along and decapitates him. You know what that mean, it means he doesn’t have a head. How am I suppose to write for a guy who doesn’t have a head? He’s got no lips, no vocal cords. What do you want me to do?