Dark Helmet: What the Hell am I lookin’ at? When does this happen in the movie?
Sandurz: Now. Whatever you’re looking at now, is happening now.
Dark Helmet: Well, what happened to then?
Sandurz: We just passed it.
Dark Helmet: When?
Sandurz: Just now.
Dark Helmet: Well, go back to then.
Sandurz: We can’t.
Dark Jelmet: Why not?
Sandurz: We already passed it.
Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Sandurz: Soon.

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Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Major Asshole: I did sir. He’s my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that! What’s his name?
Colonel Sandurz: That is his name sir. Asshole, Major Asshole!
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Colonel Sandurz: He’s an asshole too sir. Gunner’s mate First Class Philip Asshole!
Dark Helmet: How many assholes do we have on this ship, anyway?
Entire Bridge Crew: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it. I’m surrounded by assholes!