Ouiser: I don’t see plays, ’cause I can nap at home for free. And I dont see movies ’cause they’re trash, and they ain’t got nothin’ but naked people in ’em! And I don’t read books, ’cause if they’re any good they’re gonna make ’em into a miniseries.

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Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They’d been smokin’ everything but their shoes.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I’m not crazy, I’ve just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!

Ouiser: He’s a real gentleman, I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it.

Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Nancy (referring to Shelby’s new husband): That Jackson is one big hangin’ man.
Shelby: Yes, I know.