Jake: What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories.
Jake: Well, how about you say “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
Mayor Kate Hennings: (smacks mosquito) One down, a six million to go.
Earl Smooter: Careful, you just killed the state bird of Alabama!
Jake: Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.
Lurlynn: You know he went up there?
Melanie Carmichael: Who? Jake?
Lurlynn: I’m not supposed to know but Clinton let it slip once.
Melanie Carmichael: When?
Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He told Clinton he’d never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He’d have to conquer the world first. He’s been trying ever since.
Melanie Carmichael: That’s why he kept sending the papers back.
Bobby Ray: What’d I ever do to you?
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, you didn’t do anything to me, darlin’… or any other girl in town!
Jake: How can I help you?
Melanie: Well, for starters you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce!
Bobby Ray: You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can’t take the honky tonk out of the girl.
Jake: Why would you want to marry me for anyhow?
Melanie: So I can kiss you anytime I want.
Mayor Kate Hennings: Why don’t you go back to your double-wide and fry something?
Melanie: The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.
Melanie Carmichael: You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.
Melanie Carmichael: Look at you, you have a baby… In a bar.
Melanie Carmichael: You dumb stubborn redneck hick.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh why don’t you just go to a gay bar, Bobby Ray?
Clinton: Now, what would Bobby Ray be doing in a gay bar?
Jake: Whatever blows your dress up, darlin’. You go right ahead and spend your money.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, but darlin’, I thought you said we should think of it as “our money.” Just a guess: The words “joint checking” are flashing in your head right now.
Melanie Carmichael: And don’t even pretend like you missed me.
Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.
Melanie Carmichael: Bobby Ray, it’s not like that.
Bobby Ray: No, I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like Jake’s the only one you run out on.