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Melanie Carmichael: Bobby Ray, it’s not like that.
Bobby Ray: No, I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like Jake’s the only one you run out on.

Jake: What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories.

Jake: Well, how about you say “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Mayor Kate Hennings: (smacks mosquito) One down, a six million to go.
Earl Smooter: Careful, you just killed the state bird of Alabama!

Jake: Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.