Melanie Carmichael: Oh why don’t you just go to a gay bar, Bobby Ray?
Clinton: Now, what would Bobby Ray be doing in a gay bar?

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Jake: How can I help you?
Melanie: Well, for starters you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce!

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Melanie: So I can kiss you anytime I want.

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Melanie Carmichael: You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.