Melanie Carmichael: Bobby Ray, it’s not like that.
Bobby Ray: No, I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like Jake’s the only one you run out on.

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Melanie Carmichael: Oh why don’t you just go to a gay bar, Bobby Ray?
Clinton: Now, what would Bobby Ray be doing in a gay bar?

Jake: Whatever blows your dress up, darlin’. You go right ahead and spend your money.
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, but darlin’, I thought you said we should think of it as “our money.” Just a guess: The words “joint checking” are flashing in your head right now.

Melanie Carmichael: And don’t even pretend like you missed me.
Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.

Jake: What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories.

Jake: Well, how about you say “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?