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Jake: Well, how about you say “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?

Mayor Kate Hennings: (smacks mosquito) One down, a six million to go.
Earl Smooter: Careful, you just killed the state bird of Alabama!

Lurlynn: You know he went up there?
Melanie Carmichael: Who? Jake?
Lurlynn: I’m not supposed to know but Clinton let it slip once.
Melanie Carmichael: When?
Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He told Clinton he’d never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He’d have to conquer the world first. He’s been trying ever since.
Melanie Carmichael: That’s why he kept sending the papers back.

Bobby Ray: What’d I ever do to you?
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, you didn’t do anything to me, darlin’… or any other girl in town!

Bobby Ray: You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can’t take the honky tonk out of the girl.