Jake: Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.
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Melanie Carmichael: Bobby Ray, it’s not like that.
Bobby Ray: No, I’ll tell you what it’s not like. It’s not like Jake’s the only one you run out on.
Jake: What the hell is this? Chick food?
Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories.
Jake: Well, how about you say “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?”
Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
Mayor Kate Hennings: (smacks mosquito) One down, a six million to go.
Earl Smooter: Careful, you just killed the state bird of Alabama!
Lurlynn: You know he went up there?
Melanie Carmichael: Who? Jake?
Lurlynn: I’m not supposed to know but Clinton let it slip once.
Melanie Carmichael: When?
Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He told Clinton he’d never seen anything like it. He knew that it would take more than an apology to get you back. He’d have to conquer the world first. He’s been trying ever since.
Melanie Carmichael: That’s why he kept sending the papers back.