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More from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Ricky Bobby: If you ain’t first, you’re last!

Texas Ranger: My teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington D.C. She said No. You’re wrong. And I said well you got a lumpy butt. Then I peed in my pants.

Chip: Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby: If we wanted two little girls, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!

Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: mmm-mmm…
Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny infant Jesus…
Carley Bobby: Hey, um… you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don’t always have to call him baby. It’s a bit odd and off puttin’ to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I’m sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whatever you want.

Ricky Bobby: Well, I’m the best there is. Plain and simple, when I wake up in the morning I piss excellence.