Ricky Bobby: I’ve sent in my application to the Real World. So I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I’m also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like… like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, “hey, what’s up guys? Want some crack?” I’m just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.

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More from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.

Ricky Bobby: I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?

Reese Bobby: Yep, I guess things are just about perfect… it’s making me feel kind of itchy.
Ricky Bobby: How ’bout we go get kicked out of an Applebee’s?

PA Announcer: Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact and in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.