Ricky Bobby: Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard: It’s a sign of affection in many countries.
Ricky Bobby: Well, not here.
Jean Girard: It is not sexual in any way. My erection has nothing to do with you.

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More from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Ricky Bobby: I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?

Reese Bobby: Yep, I guess things are just about perfect… it’s making me feel kind of itchy.
Ricky Bobby: How ’bout we go get kicked out of an Applebee’s?

PA Announcer: Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact and in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don’t you remember the time you told me “If you ain’t first, you’re last”?
Reese Bobby: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese Bobby: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth… hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I’ve lived my whole life by that!