Sheperd: Janie, make a note. We need to schedule more events where somebody gives me a really big fish.
Janie: Yes, sir.
Sheperd: Janie, I was kidding.
Janie: Of course, sir.
Lewis: Who are we calling, sir?
Sheperd: I’m calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It’s-None-of-Your-Damn-Business, Lewis. I’ll be with you in a minute.
Sydney: What do Lewis and Robin think?
Sheperd: Brutus and Cassius? They want me to get into the character debate and mix it up.
Sydney: Lewis and Robin are very smart.
Sheperd: Sydney says you guys are really stupid.
Sydney: I didn’t say that!
Sheperd: She’s questioning your loyalty.
Lewis: Hell, I question it all the time.
Sheperd: Lewis, however much coffee you drink in the morning, I want you to reduce it by half.
Lewis: I don’t drink coffee.
Sheperd: Then hit yourself over the head with a baseball bat, would you please?
Sydney: Leo Solomon has serious concerns about my exploring a social, you know, scenario, with the President of the United States.
Sheperd: Yeah, well, when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound that great to me either.
Sydney: How can you keep quiet? How do you have patience for people who claim they love America but clearly can’t stand Americans?
Lewis: Can I just say, to return to the subject for one moment, that it might be easier to fight a war on drugs if we weren’t arming drug dealers?
Sheperd: Lewis, we’ve gotta fight the fights we can win.
Sydney: Your dad says you’re studying the Constitutional Convention.
Sheperd: She’s not having any fun, though.
Sydney: You’re not having fun?
Lucy: This is a nightmare. This is a social studies nightmare.
Sydney: I want to say something, but I’m gonna fumble it a little bit, so I’d just like you to wait till I’m done before you respond. I’m in love with you. I’m certain of it. And I want to be with you more than anything. But maybe things would be better for you if I disappeared for a while.
Sheperd: Things will be better when I pass a crime bill. And Sydney, if you disappeared, I’d find you.
Sheperd: No, keep going. I liked what you were playing. What’s it called?
Sheperd: Well… you play it with gusto!
Sydney: She’s wonderful.
Sheperd: She’s her mother.
Sydney: She’s you.
Gill: Mr. President, militant women are out to destroy college football in this country.
Sheperd: Is that a fact?
Lucy: Do you see it as part of your job to torture me?
Sheperd: No, it’s just one of the perks. See you tonight.
Rumson: Mr. Shepherd’s read a lot of books, but you didn’t need a Harvard degree to see this comin’ a mile down the road.
Sheperd: I went to Stanford, you blowhole.
Gill: I’m saying these women want that law enforced.
Sheperd: Well, it’s a world gone mad, Gill.
Sydney: Forgive me, this is my first time at the White House. I’m trying to savor the Capra-esque quality.
Susan: He doesn’t know what Capra-esque means.
Guard: Yeah, I do. Frank Capra, great American director — It’s a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Sydney Ellen Wade of Virginia. Knock ’em dead.
Sydney: I kissed him.
Sydney: On the mouth.
Beth: Where in the White House?
Kodak: Well, I could explain it better, but I’d need charts and graphs and an easel.
Sydney: Mr. President, I’m…don’t know what to say. I’m speechless.
Sheperd: All evidence to the contrary.
Sydney: I’ve gotta nip this in the bud. This has catastrophe written all over it.
Beth: In what language?! Sydney, this man is the leader of the free world. He’s brilliant, he’s funny, he’s handsome, and he’s an above-average dancer. Isn’t it possible our standards are just a tad high?
Robin: Fellas, we haven’t slept in three years. Can’t we forget work for one night and take this moment to enjoy each other as friends? It’s Christmas.
Lewis: It’s Christmas?
Kodak: Yeah, you didn’t get the memo?
Sheperd: We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me and I patronized her and we didn’t have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection. She didn’t say anything about me?
A.J.: Well, no, but I could pass her a note before study hall.
Sheperd: Tell me this: Hypothetically, what would happen–
A.J.: I feel a nightmare coming on.
Sheperd: Are you nervous?
Sheperd: Good. My nervousness exists on several levels. Number 1 — and this is in no particular order — I haven’t done this in a pretty long time. Number 2: Any expectations you might have, due to the fact that I’m, you know…
Sydney: The most powerful man in the world?
Sheperd: Exactly, thank you. Just so you remember that’s a political distinction that comes with the office. I mean, if Eisenhower were here instead of me he’d be dead by now.
Lewis: People want leadership. And in the absence of genuine leadership, they will listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership, Mr. President. They’re so thirsty for it, they’ll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there’s no water, they’ll drink the sand.
Sheperd: Lewis, we’ve had Presidents who were beloved, who couldn’t find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don’t drink the sand because they’re thirsty, Lewis. They drink it because they don’t know the difference.
A.J.: Mr. President, this is an election year. If you’re looking for female companionship, we can make arrangements that’ll insure total privacy and–
Sheperd: I don’t want you to get me a girl, A.J. What is this, Vegas?
A.J.: No, sir, this is the White House.