Sydney: The President must think I’m a third-rate jerk.
Beth: If he thinks you’re a jerk, I’m sure he thinks you’re a first-rate jerk.
Sheperd: Douglas, does the N.R.A. have videotapes of you playing golf with Satan?
Lewis: Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics, and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings?
Sheperd: Uhh…this isn’t Richard, it’s Andrew Shepherd.
Sydney: Oh, really. Well, I’m so glad you called, because I forgot to tell you today what a nice ass you have. I’m also impressed that you were able to get my phone number, considering I don’t have a phone. Good night, Richard.
Sheperd: I studied under a Nobel-Prize-Winning economist. You know what he taught me?
A.J.: Don’t have a airline strike at Christmas?
Sheperd: Yeah. I’m going to St. Louis.
Sydney: Mr. President, I’m sure there’s an appropriate thing to say at this moment. Probably some formal apology for the nice-ass remark would be in order. I just don’t quite know how to word it.
Sheperd: Let me see if I’ve got this: The third story on the news tonight was that someone I didn’t know 13 years ago, when I wasn’t President, participated in a demonstration where no laws were being broken in protest of something that so many people were against it doesn’t exist anymore? Just out of curiosity, what was the fourth story?
Sydney: Mr. President, you have asked me to join you in representing our country. I’m honored. I’m equal to the task. I won’t let you down, sir.
Sheperd: Sydney, this is just a dinner. We’re not gonna be doing espionage or anything.
Sheperd: I feel terrible, but I have to cancel our date tonight.
Sydney: Another woman?
Sheperd: No, I’ve gotta go to St. Louis and avert a massive airline strike.
Sydney: Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one.
Sydney: Two hundred pairs of eyes are focused on you right now, with two questions: “Who’s this girl, and why is the President dancing with her?”
Sheperd: First of all, the 200 pairs of eyes aren’t focused on me. They’re focused on you. And the answers are “Sydney Ellen Wade” and “Because she said ‘yes.'”
Lewis: I tell any girl I’m going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation 30 minutes beforehand.
Robin: And they find this romantic?
Lewis: Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.
Sheperd: I want to send some flowers, Janie. I want to do it myself. I don’t want to staff it out, and I don’t want to issue an Executive Order. I just want a phone number.
Sheperd: I gotta get her flowers.
Sheperd: I broke our date. This is what men do.
Robin: It’s not what men do. I know no men who do that.
Sheperd: Janie, make a note. We need to schedule more events where somebody gives me a really big fish.
Janie: Yes, sir.
Sheperd: Janie, I was kidding.
Janie: Of course, sir.
Lewis: Who are we calling, sir?
Sheperd: I’m calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It’s-None-of-Your-Damn-Business, Lewis. I’ll be with you in a minute.
Sydney: What do Lewis and Robin think?
Sheperd: Brutus and Cassius? They want me to get into the character debate and mix it up.
Sydney: Lewis and Robin are very smart.
Sheperd: Sydney says you guys are really stupid.
Sydney: I didn’t say that!
Sheperd: She’s questioning your loyalty.
Lewis: Hell, I question it all the time.
Sheperd: Lewis, however much coffee you drink in the morning, I want you to reduce it by half.
Lewis: I don’t drink coffee.
Sheperd: Then hit yourself over the head with a baseball bat, would you please?
Sydney: Leo Solomon has serious concerns about my exploring a social, you know, scenario, with the President of the United States.
Sheperd: Yeah, well, when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound that great to me either.
Sydney: How can you keep quiet? How do you have patience for people who claim they love America but clearly can’t stand Americans?
Lewis: Can I just say, to return to the subject for one moment, that it might be easier to fight a war on drugs if we weren’t arming drug dealers?
Sheperd: Lewis, we’ve gotta fight the fights we can win.
Sydney: Your dad says you’re studying the Constitutional Convention.
Sheperd: She’s not having any fun, though.
Sydney: You’re not having fun?
Lucy: This is a nightmare. This is a social studies nightmare.
Sydney: I want to say something, but I’m gonna fumble it a little bit, so I’d just like you to wait till I’m done before you respond. I’m in love with you. I’m certain of it. And I want to be with you more than anything. But maybe things would be better for you if I disappeared for a while.
Sheperd: Things will be better when I pass a crime bill. And Sydney, if you disappeared, I’d find you.
Sheperd: No, keep going. I liked what you were playing. What’s it called?
Sheperd: Well… you play it with gusto!
Sydney: She’s wonderful.
Sheperd: She’s her mother.
Sydney: She’s you.
Gill: Mr. President, militant women are out to destroy college football in this country.
Sheperd: Is that a fact?