Sydney: How can you keep quiet? How do you have patience for people who claim they love America but clearly can’t stand Americans?

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Lewis: I tell any girl I’m going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation 30 minutes beforehand.
Robin: And they find this romantic?
Lewis: Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.

Sheperd: I want to send some flowers, Janie. I want to do it myself. I don’t want to staff it out, and I don’t want to issue an Executive Order. I just want a phone number.

Sheperd: I gotta get her flowers.
Lewis: Here?
Robin: Now?
Sheperd: I broke our date. This is what men do.
Robin: It’s not what men do. I know no men who do that.

Sheperd: Janie, make a note. We need to schedule more events where somebody gives me a really big fish.
Janie: Yes, sir.
Sheperd: Janie, I was kidding.
Janie: Of course, sir.

Lewis: Who are we calling, sir?
Sheperd: I’m calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It’s-None-of-Your-Damn-Business, Lewis. I’ll be with you in a minute.