Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn’t I be outstanding in that capacity?

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Bender: Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: No, Mr. Johnson.

Richard Vernon: The next time I have to come in here I’m crackin’ skulls.

Bender: I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights.

Bender: I wanna be an airborne ranger, I wanna be put in danger.

Brian: The problem is, women can’t hold they smoke!