Elise: You think that because I’m a movie star I don’t have feelings. Well you’re wrong. I’m an actress. I’ve got all of them!

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Brenda: Now, I ask you, Duarto, who’s supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It’s a conspiracy, I know it is! I’ve had enough. I’m leading a protest. I’m not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

Elise: You’ve always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!
Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!
Elise: It was the sixties.

Chris: Mom I’m a lesbian. But don’t tell Daddy! I want to wait for a good time; like Father’s Day or Christmas Morning!

Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V… He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, “Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? What’s next? A parrot?” And all of a sudden I’m a big drag. I’m holding him back because I won’t go rollerblading.

Chris: Dad, I’m a lesbian. A big one.