Ebenezer Scrooge: I intend to raise your salary.
Miss Piggy: And I intend to raise you right off the pavement.
Gonzo: It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve and Scrooge was conscious of a thousand odors, each one connected with a thousand thoughts and hopes and joys and cares long, long forgotten.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Christmas is a very busy time for us, Mr. Cratchit. People preparing feasts, giving parties, spending the mortgage money on frivolities. One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money-lenders.
Rizzo the Rat: Oh, what was that?
Gonzo: Two o’clock.
Rizzo the Rat: Is it too early for breakfast?
Rizzo the Rat: Oh good, suppertime!
Gonzo: I am here to tell the story.
Rizzo the Rat: And I am here for the food.
After all, there’s only one more sleep ’til Christmas.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Let us see another Christmas at this place.
Ebenezer Scrooge: They were pretty much all the same. Nothing ever changed.
Ghost of Christmas Past: You changed.
Rizzo the Rat: Light the lamp, not the rat. Light the lamp! Not the rat!
Fozziwig: At this time in the proceedings, it is a tradition for me to make a little speech.
Robert Marley: And it is a tradition for us to take a little nap.
Rizzo the Rat: Mother always taught me: never eat singing food.
Ebenezer Scrooge: You’re a little absent-minded, spirit.
Ghost of Christmas Present: No, I am a large absent-minded spirit.
Ebenezer Scrooge: What business has brought you here?
Ghost of Christmas Past: Your welfare.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Heh, a night’s unbroken rest might aid my welfare.
Ghost of Christmas Past: Your salvation, then.
Ebenezer Scrooge: What an employer he was. As hard and ruthless as a rose petal.
Jacob Marley: Why do you doubt your senses?
Ebenezer Scrooge: Because a little thing can effect them. A slight disorder of the stomach can make them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef, a blob of mustard, a crumb of cheese. Yes. There’s more gravy than of grave about you.
Robert Marley: More gravy than of grave?
Jacob Marley: What a terrible pun. Where’d you get those jokes?
Robert Marley: Leave comedy to the bears, Ebenezer.
Robert Marley: We were always heckling you.
Jacob Marley: It’s good to be heckling again.
Robert Marley: It’s good to be doing anything again.
Ebenezer Scrooge: What right have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.
Fred: What right have you to be dismal? You’re rich enough.
Rizzo the Rat: Got ‘im there. The old boy’s speechless.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Nephew, if I could work my will any idiot who goes around with a Merry Christmas on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.
Rizzo the Rat: Well, not quite speechless.
Sam the Eagle: Oh, you will love business. It is the American way.
Gonzo: Uh, Sam?
Sam the Eagle: Oh. It is the British way!
Rizzo the Rat: Rats don’t understand these things.
Gonzo: You were never a lonely child?
Rizzo the Rat: I had twelve hundred and seventy four brothers and sisters.