Oscar: I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that ‘F.U.’ was Felix Unger. It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.

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More from The Odd Couple

Oscar Madison: Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

Oscar Madison: Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I’ll call your wife and tell her you’re in Central Park wearing a dress.

Felix Ungar: I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy!

Oscar Madison: Look at this. You’re the only man in the world with clenched hair.

Roy: His fridge had been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn’t in the bottle!