Oscar: I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that ‘F.U.’ was Felix Unger. It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.

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More from The Odd Couple

Murray: For God’s sake, do something. Say something.
Oscar Madison: What? What do you say to a man who’s crying in your bathroom?

Oscar Madison: Don’t point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.

Oscar Madison: I’m in for a quarter.
Murray: Aren’t you going to look at your cards first?
Oscar Madison: What for? I’m gonna bluff anyway.

Oscar Madison: Life goes on, even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy.

Oscar Madison: Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.