Oscar Madison: Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.
captivating quotations from movies, television, literature and people - curated by actual geeks.
Roy: His fridge had been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn’t in the bottle!
Oscar Madison: You want… uh… brown sandwiches… or green sandwiches?
Murray: What’s the green?
Oscar Madison: It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I’ll take the brown.
Felix Ungar: In other words, you’re saying you want me to leave?
Oscar Madison: Not in other words! Those are the perfect words!
Oscar: I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. ‘We’re all out of cornflakes. F.U.’ It took me three hours to figure out that ‘F.U.’ was Felix Unger. It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.
Murray: A suicide telegram? Who sends a suicide telegram?
Oscar Madison: Felix, the nut, that’s who! Can you imagine getting a thing like that? She even had to tip the kid a quarter.