Oscar Madison: Look at this. You’re the only man in the world with clenched hair.

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More from The Odd Couple

Oscar Madison: Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

Oscar Madison: Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I’ll call your wife and tell her you’re in Central Park wearing a dress.

Felix Ungar: I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy!

Roy: His fridge had been out of order for two weeks now. I saw milk standing in there that wasn’t in the bottle!

Oscar Madison: You want… uh… brown sandwiches… or green sandwiches?
Murray: What’s the green?
Oscar Madison: It’s either very new cheese or very old meat.
Murray: I’ll take the brown.