Lloyd Chasseur: You know what mom? You know what I’m gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb up and nail yourself to it.

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Lloyd: Coffee, mom?
Rose: Is it real coffee, or some Scandinavian Christmas potion?

Lloyd Chasseur: It wasn’t one bad review in one lousy magazine. It was the Restaurant Guide Book of New York. And, when the Restaurant Guide Book recommends you to Hindus looking for a fun night out of fasting, what did you expect me to do, change the menus?

Gus: Great, I just beat up Santa Claus.

Gus: You know what this family needs? A mute.

Gus: I’m in hell. Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.