[Lt. Huff smells a mask]
Lt. Huff: It’s urine.
Lt. Steve Milford: Oh thank God. Phil thought it might be semen.
Lt. Huff: Phil needs to talk to a therapist.

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John Chasseur: Mom, the TV’s broken. What are we gonna do all night?
Connie Chasseur: Celebrate the birth of Christ!

Lloyd: Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I’ll stick my own dick in my ear.

Rose: You’re a Wong?
Gus: Well, my mother was Irish.
Rose: And, your father?
Gus: Wasn’t.

Lloyd: I suppose you’ll use this drama as a reason to have another affair. I feel sorry for the next delivery man that comes to this house!

Gus: I thought moms were supposed to be nice, and sweet, and patient. I know loan-sharks that are more forgiving than you.