Tommy Boy


Tommy: Richard, what were you doing?
Richard: Looking over some documents.
Tommy: Well, where are they? I don’t see them.
Richard: They’re in my briefcase.
Tommy: How could you be looking over your documents, if they’re in your briefcase? Hmmmmm, it’s a mystery. Were you watching Spanktravision? Or were you watching that funny comedian, oh what’s his name, Buddy Wackit. Hey, there’s a pretty girl out there, maybe she go’s out with one of the yankees…Richard, who was your favorite Little Rascal? Was it Alfalfa, or was it Spanky, hehehehehehe, sinner.

What the hell’s gotten into you, I got my thingy stuck in my zipper and I got piss all over my pants!

Tommy: Fat guy in a little coat…

Tommy: I’ll tell you what, you can get a good look at a t-bone by sticking your head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.

Richard: Hey! Prehistoric Forest!

Tommy: Luke, Luke. I am your Faaaaaa-ther.

blowing into a desk fan

Paul: Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?
Tommy: Why?

Richard Hayden: Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?
Tommy: Please go away let me sleep for the love of God.
Richard Hayden: Housekeeping. You want me to jerk you off?
Tommy: What kind of hotel is this?

Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they’re called doctors.

Richard Hayden: I need your John Hancock.
Tommy: It’s Herbie Hancock.