Garth: Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn’t die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool huh?

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Wayne Campbell: I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.

Wayne, Garth: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

Wayne: Cassandra, I know I don’t have his looks, I know I don’t have his car, and I know that sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in the back of my jaw…
Cassandra: Just shut your yap, and get in the car!
Wayne: Excellent!

Wayne: I do have one plan. (opens a door)
Garth:Whoa, what are you going to do with these guys!
Wayne: Nothing really, I just always wanted to open a door to a bunch of people who are getting trained like in James Bond movies.
Garth: Wicked!