Matilda: I became…
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?
Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: I think they’re vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
Hansel: I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere’s a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who’s a hero. The music he’s created over the years, I don’t really listen to it, but the fact that he’s making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I’m selling? No. Do I know what I’m doing today? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot.
J.P. Prewitt: Male models don’t think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: Yes they do!
J.P. Prewitt: No they don’t.
Derek Zoolander: Okay!
Mugatu: It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!
Mugatu: Obey my dog!
Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small-
Derek Zoolander: I don’t wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least three times bigger than this!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogalizor I am.
Derek Zoolander: A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I’d be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?
Mugatu: They’re break-dance fighting.
Derek Zoolander: I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
Derek Zoolander: I’m not an ambi-turner.
Hansel: I felt like, “This guy’s really hurting me.” And it hurt.
Derek Zoolander: At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there’s more to life than being really, really good looking.
Mugatu: Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.
Mugatu: Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!