Dug: I do not like the cone of shame.
Jayne: About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!
Mal: You know, they walk just as easy if you lead ’em.
Jayne: I like smackin’ ’em.
Mal: This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hey, there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?
Zoe: I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here.
Mal: Better go take their money.
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
Leslie: Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?
Tom: Yes. The statement was that you’re very lonely and you need a pet.
I have been haunted by that swim through the whale graveyard and haven’t been able to get the image of the bones out of my head. Man hunted whales almost to the point of extinction, not seeming to care that we would lose one of the wonders of the sea world forever. It is the coldness of the water in Antarctica that preserves the bones and makes it look like they were left there yesterday but I like to think they are there as a reminder of man’s potential for folly.
Jeremy: Look, I know these are animals, and they don’t play bridge and go to the prom, but you can’t tell me that the little one didn’t know who his mother was. That’s gotta mean something. And later, at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me about the nobility and tradition of hunting and how it related to the native American Indians. And I nodded and I said that was interesting while I was thinking about what a load of crap it was. Hunting was part of Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes and it was shelter. They sang and danced and offered prayers to the gods for a successful hunt so that they could survive just one more unimaginably brutal winter. The things they had to kill held the highest place of respect for them, and to kill for fun was a sin. And they knew the gods wouldn’t be so generous next time. What we did wasn’t food and it wasn’t shelter and it sure wasn’t sports. It was just mean.
Dug: I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, “I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.” It’s funny because the squirrel gets dead!
Dug: I was hiding under your porch because I love you.
Dug: Oh I do ever so want the ball!
Dug: Be my prisoner? Oh, please, oh, please be my prisoner?
Dug: My name is Dug, I have just met you and I love you!
Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may talk – SQUIRREL! My master is good and smart.
Russell: Hi, Mr. Fredricksen! It’s me, Russell.
Carl: What’re you doing up here, kid?
Russell: I found the snipe, and I followed it under your porch, but this snipe had a long tail and looked more like a large mouse.
Dug: Hi there!
Carl: Did that dog just say “Hi there”?
Dug: Oh yes!
Doc Hopper: Find me a bear and a frog in a brown Studebaker.
Max: All I see is a bear and a frog in a rainbow Studebaker.
Some day I’ll join him right there,
but now he’s gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose
In a few generations more, there will probably be no room at all allowed for animals on the earth: no need of them, no toleration of them. An immense agony will have then ceased, but with it there will also have passed away the last smile of the world’s youth.
I meant what I said,
and I said what I meant
An elephant’s faithful,
One hundred percent.
Life is no way to treat an animal, not even a mouse.
I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid. Ain’t nothing in the woods going to hurt you unless you corner it, or it smells that you are afraid. A bear or a deer, too, has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be.
Louise: Turns out dad has been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.
Gene: Let’s release the lobster back into the supermarket from whence it came.
Rory: He has always been a cat person. He just never had a cat.
You can’t trample infidels when you’re a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.
Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o’course.
There’s a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire –
He likes it ’cause it’s cold in there.