Quotations About
animals

Dug: I do not like the cone of shame.

Posted in: Up

Jayne: About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!
Mal: You know, they walk just as easy if you lead ‘em.
Jayne: I like smackin’ ‘em.

Safe
Posted in: Firefly

Mal: This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hey, there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?
Zoe: I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here.
Mal: Better go take their money.

Posted in: Firefly

Even snakes are afraid of snakes.

Posted in: Steven Wright

Leslie: Do you think that marrying penguins made some kind of statement?
Tom: Yes. The statement was that you’re very lonely and you need a pet.

Pawnee Zoo (season 2, episode 1)

I have been haunted by that swim through the whale graveyard and haven’t been able to get the image of the bones out of my head. Man hunted whales almost to the point of extinction, not seeming to care that we would lose one of the wonders of the sea world forever. It is the coldness of the water in Antarctica that preserves the bones and makes it look like they were left there yesterday but I like to think they are there as a reminder of man’s potential for folly.

Achieving The Impossible - A Fearless Leader. A Fragile Earth. (2010)

Jeremy: Look, I know these are animals, and they don’t play bridge and go to the prom, but you can’t tell me that the little one didn’t know who his mother was. That’s gotta mean something. And later, at the hospital, Bob Shoemaker was telling me about the nobility and tradition of hunting and how it related to the native American Indians. And I nodded and I said that was interesting while I was thinking about what a load of crap it was. Hunting was part of Indian culture. It was food and it was clothes and it was shelter. They sang and danced and offered prayers to the gods for a successful hunt so that they could survive just one more unimaginably brutal winter. The things they had to kill held the highest place of respect for them, and to kill for fun was a sin. And they knew the gods wouldn’t be so generous next time. What we did wasn’t food and it wasn’t shelter and it sure wasn’t sports. It was just mean.

The Hungry and the Hunted (season 1, episode 3)
Posted in: Sports Night

Dug: I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, “I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.” It’s funny because the squirrel gets dead!

Posted in: Up

Dug: I was hiding under your porch because I love you.

Posted in: Up

Dug: Oh I do ever so want the ball!

Posted in: Up

Dug: Be my prisoner? Oh, please, oh, please be my prisoner?

Posted in: Up

Dug: My name is Dug, I have just met you and I love you!

Posted in: Up

Dug: My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may talk – SQUIRREL! My master is good and smart.

Posted in: Up

Russell: Hi, Mr. Fredricksen! It’s me, Russell.
Carl: What’re you doing up here, kid?
Russell: I found the snipe, and I followed it under your porch, but this snipe had a long tail and looked more like a large mouse.

Posted in: Up

Russell: Speak.
Dug: Hi there!
Carl: Did that dog just say “Hi there”?
Dug: Oh yes!

Posted in: Up

Doc Hopper: Find me a bear and a frog in a brown Studebaker.
Max: All I see is a bear and a frog in a rainbow Studebaker.

Posted in: The Muppet Movie

Some day I’ll join him right there,
but now he’s gone with his shaggy coat,
his bad manners and his cold nose

Posted in: Pablo Neruda

In a few generations more, there will probably be no room at all allowed for animals on the earth: no need of them, no toleration of them. An immense agony will have then ceased, but with it there will also have passed away the last smile of the world’s youth.

The Quality of Mercy (1900)
Posted in: Ouida

I meant what I said,
and I said what I meant
An elephant’s faithful,
One hundred percent.

Horton Hatches the Egg (1940)
Posted in: Dr. Seuss

Life is no way to treat an animal, not even a mouse.

A Man Without A Country
Posted in: Kurt Vonnegut

I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.

Posted in: Steven Wright

Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid. Ain’t nothing in the woods going to hurt you unless you corner it, or it smells that you are afraid. A bear or a deer, too, has got to be scared of a coward the same as a brave man has got to be.

“The Bear” in The Saturday Evening Post (9 May 1942)
Posted in: William Faulkner

Louise: Turns out dad has been putting murdered cows in our hamburgers.

Posted in: Bob's Burgers

Gene: Let’s release the lobster back into the supermarket from whence it came.

Posted in: Bob's Burgers

Rory: He has always been a cat person. He just never had a cat.

A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving
Posted in: Gilmore Girls

You can’t trample infidels when you’re a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

Small Gods
Posted in: Terry Pratchett

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o’course.

Small Gods
Posted in: Terry Pratchett

There’s a Polar Bear
In our Frigidaire -
He likes it ’cause it’s cold in there.

Bear In There
Posted in: Shel Silverstein