Quotations About
crime

Badger: Crime and politics, little girl. Situation is always fluid.
Jayne: The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to pay us our wage.

Pilot
Posted in: Firefly

When I came back to Dublin, I was courtmartialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

The Hostage (1958)
Posted in: Brendan Behan

I once got pulled over and the cop said, “Why were you going so fast?” I said, “Why? Because I had my foot to the floor. Sends more gas through the carburetor. Makes the engine go faster. The whole car just takes off like that.” I said, “See this? This steers it.”

Posted in: Steven Wright

Eddard Stark: The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword.

Winter Is Coming
Posted in: Game of Thrones

Walt: Castor beans.
Jesse: So, what are we going to do with them? Are we just gonna grow a magic beanstalk? Huh? Climb it and escape?
Walt: We are going to process them into ricin.
Jesse: Rice ‘n Beans?
Walt: Ricin. It’s an extremely effective poison.

Posted in: Breaking Bad

Walt: Last time I checked, there was 16 ounces to a pound. What’d you do with the rest, smoke it?
Jesse: Yo, I been out there all night slangin’ crystal. You think it’s cake movin’ a pound of meth one tenth at a time?
Walt: So why you selling it in such small quantities? Why don’t you just sell the whole pound at once?
Jesse: To who? What do I look like? ‘Scarface?’
Walt: This is unacceptable. I am breaking the law here. This return is too little for the risk. I thought you’d be ready for another pound today.
Jesse: You may know a lot about chemistry man, but you don’t know jack about slangin’ dope.

Posted in: Breaking Bad

Judge Flatt: You know how I feel about arming morons. If you arm one, you’ve got to arm them all, otherwise there’s no sport.

Posted in: Nobody's Fool

Raul: This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protestors away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists, we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing: right to jail. You are playing music too loud: right to jail, right away. Driving too fast: jail. Slow: jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses: you right to jail. You undercook fish? Believe it or not, jail. You overcook chicken, also jail. Undercook, overcook. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don’t show up, believe it or not, jail, right away. We have the best patients in the world because of jail.

Cher: This is a second notice for outstanding parking tickets. I don’t remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The ticket is the first notice!

Posted in: Clueless

Kid: Are you a cop?
Fletch: As far as you know. Why? Did you steal this car?
Kid: I sure did.
Fletch: Well, I’m not even sure that’s a crime anymore. There’ve been a lot of changes in the law.

Posted in: Fletch

Kaffee: The Government of the United States wants to charge you two with murder. You want me to go to the prosecutor with unit, corps, God, country?
Dawson: That’s our code, sir.

Posted in: A Few Good Men

Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes.

L'Ingénu, ch.10 (1767)
Posted in: Voltaire

Det. Tim Bayliss: Homicide, sweet homicide.

Jayne: Shiny! Let’s be bad guys.

Posted in: Serenity

I didn’t notice I was being set upon by a pickpocket, which I am glad of, because I like to work only with professionals.

Sherlock Holmes: You’ve murdered four people.
Jeff: I’ve outlived four people. That’s the most fun you can have with an aneurysm.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

McNulty: Let me understand. Every Friday night, you and your boys are shootin crap, right? And every Friday night, your pal Snot Boogie… he’d wait till there’s cash on the ground and he’d grab it and run away? You let him do that?
Kid: We’d catch him and beat his ass but ain’t nobody ever go past that.
McNulty: I’ve gotta ask you: if every time Snot Boogie would grab the money and run away… why’d you even let him in the game?
Kid: What?
McNulty: Well, if every time, Snot Boogie stole the money, why’d you let him play?
Kid: Got to. It’s America, man.

The Target (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: The Wire

Holmes: They’re killings, serial killings! We’ve got a serial killer on our hands. I love those, there’s always something to look forward to.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Watson: Have you talked to the police?
Holmes: Four people are dead. There’s no time to talk to the police.
Watson: So why are you talking to me?
Holmes: Mrs. Hudson took my skull.
Watson: So I’m basically filling in for the skull?
Holmes: Relax, you’re doing fine.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Watson: Sergeant Donovan was just explaining everything. Two pills. It’s a dreadful business, isn’t it? Just dreadful.
Holmes: Good shot.
Watson: Yes, yes must’ve been from that window.
Holmes: You’d know. Need to get the powder burns out of your hands. I don’t suppose you’d serve time for this but let’s avoid the court case. Are you alright?
Watson: Yes, of course I’m alright.
Holmes: Well, you have just killed a man.
Watson: Yes I know. Yes, that’s true isn’t it. But he wasn’t a very nice man.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Charmaine Bucco: It’s bad enough that these mobsters still come in and patronize this place. Okay?
Artie Bucco: But, so what? We’re not connected!
Charmaine Bucco: Right, because we just turned down those tickets.
Artie Bucco: But the tickets were comps. Tony is a labor leader.
Charmaine Bucco: Arthur, please grow up. Does the mind not rebel at any possible scenario under which dentists are sending The Don of New Jersey first class on a Norwegian steamship? Come on, Arthur. Somebody donated their knee caps for those tickets!

Pilot (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: The Sopranos