I once got pulled over and the cop said, “Why were you going so fast?” I said, “Why? Because I had my foot to the floor. Sends more gas through the carburetor. Makes the engine go faster. The whole car just takes off like that.” I said, “See this? This steers it.”
Cher: This is a second notice for outstanding parking tickets. I don’t remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The ticket is the first notice!
Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, “Be fruitful and multiply.” But not in those words.
My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top. Nothing slows down traffic like a cop.
Eric: Look, Dad, I need my car. Don’t you remember when you were in high school? I bet you had some good times, driving around senior year with your friends.
Red: My senior year, I was driving a gun boat around Okinawa. And, if you count the Japanese snipers as my friends, then yes, I had some good times.
Mr. Mosby: Now, put the stick shift into drive.
London: You mean the PRNDL?
Elwood Blues: It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it!
Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.
Dexter Morgan: The problem with eating and driving, which I love to do, is not being able to have my hands on the wheel at the 10 and 2 position. It’s a matter of public safety.
When the light turns green, you go. When the light turns red, you stop. But what do you do when the light turns blue with orange and lavender spots?