Relations are simply a tedious pack of people who haven’t got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
Kovatch: Oh, I love my family, but I’d give my six kids to get rid of my wife.
Captain Shotover: When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. But when they are away, we console ourselves for their absence by dwelling on their vices.
Gus: A man provides. And he does it even when he’s not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he’s a man.
Scott Evil: I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
Therapist: He doesn’t really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill him, but so far unsuccessfully. He’s quite wily like his old man.
Dana: I’ve named this Thanksgiving. I’m calling it “The Thanksgiving of Mom’s Disapproval.” Included on the two-record set are the hit songs “Why Aren’t You Married?” and “Sports Is No Place For An Educated Woman,” and “Didn’t Anyone Ever Tell You How To Cook A Turkey?”
Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: It’s scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it… is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk… and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
Charlotte: That’s nice.
Rebecca: You know, I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This’ll be the second one that I’ve cooked, and believe me, the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance.
If you reject family – which a mother holds together – as well as the ties of Church and State, is there anything left for you?
I can’t help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves.
We never talked, my family. We communicated by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.
Cameron: Mitchell’s mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.
It takes three things to make it in this business: the tenacity of a bulldog, the hide of a rhinoceros and a good home to come home to.
I don’t know who my grandfather was. I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.
This quote is attributed / unsourced.
Whenever I’m with my mother, I feel as though I have to spend the whole time avoiding land mines.
Megamind: I was 8 days old and still living with my parents. How sad is that? Clearly, it was time to move on.
Stop dying. Am trying to write a comedy.
Peeta: You know what my mother said? ‘It looks like District 12 may finally have a winner.’ But she wasn’t talking about me. She was talking about you.
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.
Mallory: I feel like there aren’t a lot of surprises for me down the road. You know, my kids will grow up, they’ll move away, I’ll become a grandmother, I’ll get my face done, my grandkids will graduate from college, I’ll get my face redone, and then I’ll die.
Bree: I mean, that’s silly. We’ll all be dead from loose nukes long before most of that stuff happens.
Mallory: You think?