Quotations About

Lou Grant: Mary, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but you’re a jerk.
Mary Richards: How could I possibly take that wrong?

Posted in: Mary Tyler Moore

Mal: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

Our Mrs. Reynolds
Posted in: Firefly

“You prat Ron, look at the state of her!”
“Ginny, don’t call Ron a prat, you’re not the captain of this team—”
“Well, you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should.”

Dowager Countess: You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.
Isobel: I take that as a compliment.
Dowager Countess: I must have said it wrong.

Posted in: Downton Abbey

Cher: D, would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.

Posted in: Clueless

Surge Protector: Anything to declare?
Ralph: I hate you.
Surge Protector: I get that a lot.

Posted in: Wreck-It Ralph

Leia: I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
Han: I can arrange that! You could use a good kiss.

Lord Emsworth, whose IQ may be some thirty points below that of an absent minded jellyfish.

Lord Emsworth Acts for the Best (1926) Note: the line is likely a paraphrase, as it was used in a description of the short story itself.
Posted in: P.G. Wodehouse

Apollo: So, what’s the charge this time?
Starbuck: Striking a superior asshole.
Apollo: And I bet you’ve been waiting all day to say that one.
Starbuck: Most of the afternoon, yeah.

Miniseries, Part 1

Starbuck: Permission to speak off the record?
Tigh: Granted.
Starbuck: You’re a bastard.

Miniseries, Part 2

Hal: Wow. OK, the stuff they make you read on-air, that’s un-freaking-believable. It’s crazy.
Roxanne: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
Hal: What I was trying to say was, I can’t believe that in our modern society, they let, like, actual art get onto the news.
Roxanne: Nice save, Hal.

Posted in: Megamind

Watson: Why didn’t I think of that?
Holmes: Because you’re an idiot. No, no, no, don’t be like that, practically everyone is.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Sherlock Holmes: Shut up.
Lestrade: I didn’t say anything.
Sherlock Holmes: You were thinking. It’s annoying.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Anderson: So we can read her emails, so what?
Sherlock Holmes: Anderson, don’t talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street.

A Study in Pink (season 1, episode 1)
Posted in: Sherlock

Hyde: You don’t burn someone who’s already crying!

Posted in: That 70's Show

Dylan: I’ve never been this far from home before. Now I’ve never been this far. Now I’ve never been this far.
Claire Dunphy: Where’s a cliff when you need one?

Dude Ranch (season 3, episode 1)
Posted in: Modern Family

Cameron Tucker: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.

When Good Kids Go Bad (season 3, episode 2)
Posted in: Modern Family

Eric: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Red Forman: Son, you don’t have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.

Thanksgiving (season 1, episode 9)
Posted in: That 70's Show

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.

As Dame Edna Everage
Posted in: Barry Humphries

Jess: You’re such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don’t nobody call me a tonkel.

Bells (season 1, episode 7)
Posted in: New Girl