Lou Grant: Mary, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but you’re a jerk.
Mary Richards: How could I possibly take that wrong?
Mal: Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
“You prat Ron, look at the state of her!”
“Ginny, don’t call Ron a prat, you’re not the captain of this team—”
“Well, you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should.”
Dowager Countess: You are quite wonderful, the way you see room for improvement wherever you look. I never knew such reforming zeal.
Isobel: I take that as a compliment.
Dowager Countess: I must have said it wrong.
Cher: D, would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.
Surge Protector: Anything to declare?
Ralph: I hate you.
Surge Protector: I get that a lot.
Leia: I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
Han: I can arrange that! You could use a good kiss.
Lord Emsworth, whose IQ may be some thirty points below that of an absent minded jellyfish.
Apollo: So, what’s the charge this time?
Starbuck: Striking a superior asshole.
Apollo: And I bet you’ve been waiting all day to say that one.
Starbuck: Most of the afternoon, yeah.
Starbuck: Permission to speak off the record?
Starbuck: You’re a bastard.
Hal: Wow. OK, the stuff they make you read on-air, that’s un-freaking-believable. It’s crazy.
Roxanne: I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
Hal: What I was trying to say was, I can’t believe that in our modern society, they let, like, actual art get onto the news.
Roxanne: Nice save, Hal.
Watson: Why didn’t I think of that?
Holmes: Because you’re an idiot. No, no, no, don’t be like that, practically everyone is.
Sherlock Holmes: Shut up.
Lestrade: I didn’t say anything.
Sherlock Holmes: You were thinking. It’s annoying.
Anderson: So we can read her emails, so what?
Sherlock Holmes: Anderson, don’t talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street.
Hyde: You don’t burn someone who’s already crying!
Dylan: I’ve never been this far from home before. Now I’ve never been this far. Now I’ve never been this far.
Claire Dunphy: Where’s a cliff when you need one?
Cameron Tucker: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
Eric: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Red Forman: Son, you don’t have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
Jess: You’re such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don’t nobody call me a tonkel.