Quotations About

Dug: I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, “I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.” It’s funny because the squirrel gets dead!

Posted in: Up

Apollo: So, what’s the charge this time?
Starbuck: Striking a superior asshole.
Apollo: And I bet you’ve been waiting all day to say that one.
Starbuck: Most of the afternoon, yeah.

Miniseries, Part 1

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include “That’s what she said?”
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so…
Michael: That’s what she said!

Sexual Harassment (season 2, episode 2)

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.