Debbie: It’s not about who you love, it’s how you love. Genitalia is just God’s way of accessorizing.
April: This is my boyfriend, Derek, and this is Derek’s boyfriend, Ben.
Leslie: Hey…oh…wait, sorry. What’s the situation?
April: What do you mean?
Leslie: How does this work?
April: Derek is gay but he’s straight for me, but he’s gay for Ben, and Ben’s really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben.
Derek: It’s not that complicated.
April: I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas Brothers make out with three Robert Pattinsons. It was amazing.
We’re here! We’re queer! We want to get married on the ocean!
Luke Dunphy: Can you keep a secret?
Mitchell Pritchett: Well, I kept a pretty big one for twenty-two years.