Dana: I’ve named this Thanksgiving. I’m calling it “The Thanksgiving of Mom’s Disapproval.” Included on the two-record set are the hit songs “Why Aren’t You Married?” and “Sports Is No Place For An Educated Woman,” and “Didn’t Anyone Ever Tell You How To Cook A Turkey?”
Buffy: First thanksgiving on my own, and we all got through it.
Xander: And you know what? I think my syphilis is clearing right up.
Buffy: And they say romance is dead. Or maybe they just wish it.
Rebecca: You know, I really think I can put together a great Thanksgiving dinner. This’ll be the second one that I’ve cooked, and believe me, the first one was not the disaster that my family said it was. Those kids had a pretty good time in that ambulance.
Cliff: Did I ever tell you kids about the first Thanksgiving? It took place between the ancient Egyptains and aliens from a distant galaxy.
Charlie Brown: We’ve got another holiday to worry about. It seems Thanksgiving Day is upon us.
Sally Brown: I haven’t even finished eating all of my Halloween candy.
Linus van Pelt: What are you going to do on Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: My mother and dad, and Sally and I are all going to my grandmother’s for dinner.
Sally Brown: Why don’t you come along, Linus? We can hold hands under the table.
Linus van Pelt: Blah.
Sally Brown: What’s the matter, big brother?
Charlie Brown: Nothing. I was just checking the mailbox.
Sally Brown: What did you expect, a turkey card?
Linus van Pelt: In the year 1621, the Pilgrims held their first Thanksgiving feast. They invited the great Indian chief Massasoit, who brought ninety of his brave Indians and a great abundance of food. Governor William Bradford and Captain Miles Standish were honored guests. Elder William Brewster, who was a minister, said a prayer that went something like this: ‘We thank God for our homes and our food and our safety in a new land. We thank God for the opportunity to create a new world for freedom and justice.”
Peppermint Patty: Amen.
Charlie Brown: Holidays always depress me.
Sally Brown: I know what you mean. I went down to buy a turkey tree and all they have are things for Christmas.
Charlie Brown: For Christmas? Already?
Sally Brown: Anyway, why should I give thanks on Thanksgiving? What have I got to be thankful for? All it does is make more work for us at school.
Charlie Brown: I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.
Linus van Pelt: That’s right. I’ve seen you make toast. You can’t butter it, but maybe we can help you.
Peppermint Patty: What kind of Thanksgiving dinner is this? Where’s the turkey, Chuck? Don’t you know anything about Thanksgiving dinners? Where’s the mashed potatoes? Where’s the cranberry sauce? Where’s the pumpkin pie?
Marcie: Don’t feel bad, Chuck. Peppermint Patty didn’t mean all those things she said. Actually, she really likes you.
Charlie Brown: I don’t feel bad for myself, I just feel bad because I’ve ruined everyone’s Thanksgiving.
Marcie: But Thanksgiving is more than eating, Chuck. You heard what Linus was saying out there. Those early Pilgrims were thankful for what had happened to them, and we should be thankful, too. We should just be thankful for being together. I think that’s what they mean by ‘Thanksgiving,’ Charlie Brown.
Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown! Oh, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: I can’t believe it. She must think I’m the most stupid person alive.
Lucy van Pelt: Come on, Charlie Brown. I’ll hold the ball and you kick it.
Charlie Brown: Hold it? Ha! You’ll pull it away and I’ll land flat on my back and kill myself.
Lucy van Pelt: But Charlie Brown, it’s Thanksgiving.
Charlie Brown: What’s that got to do with anything?
Lucy van Pelt: Well, one of the greatest traditions we have is the Thanksgiving Day football game. And the biggest, most important tradition of all is the kicking off of the football.
Charlie Brown: Is that right?
Lucy van Pelt: Absolutely. Come on, Charlie Brown. It’s a big honor for you.
Charlie Brown: Well, if it’s that important, a person should never turn down a big honor. Maybe I should do it. Besides, she wouldn’t try to trick me on a traditional holiday. This time I’m gonna kick that football clear to the moon!
Charlie Brown: Good grief, it’s 4 o’clock! We’re supposed to be at grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving by 4:30. I’d better talk to her and explain my dilemma.
Charlie Brown: I think I’m losing control of the whole world.
Linus van Pelt: Now what’s wrong?
Charlie Brown: Now she’s bringing Franklin, too. Peppermint Patty’s invited herself, Marcie, and Franklin over for Thanksgiving dinner. And I’m not even going to be home. I’m going to be at my grandmother’s.
Linus van Pelt: Why don’t you just call her back and explain it to her?
Charlie Brown: You can’t explain anything to Peppermint Patty because you never get to say anything. I’m doomed. Three guests for Thanksgiving, and I’m not even going to be home. Peppermint Patty will hate me for the rest of my life.
Bridget: Daddy, can our boyfriends come over on Thanksgiving?
Bridget: Okay, Daddy, can they come over Thursday?
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.