Nurse: Oh there you go again – mistaking me for someone who gives a damn! Who cares if you’re fat or thin…who cares if you live or die?!

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Edina: Oooh, sweetie…darling…oh god, sweetie what a day, what a day I’ve had sweetie, darling. (throws herself down on kitchen table) I have been at work since I left here this morning!
Saffie: You want some lunch?

Edina: How dare they spit at me! A nation that has a pillowcase with a slit in it as a national costume.

Bubble: I shall endeavor to transcribe it on my pad, photocopy it and file it for future reference.

Patsy: You know, I sometimes wonder what the point of having children is if they are not going to turn up for your launches. Did you tell him how important for you it was, darling?
Eddie: Yeah, I tell him. I faxed the bloody dean and the bullocky halls of residence and the buggery mountain rescue. I mean, what more can I do?
Patsy: Nothing. And you shouldn’t have to. I mean, look at you. You’ve been a fantastic mother. You’ve let them ruin your figure. Your stomach is stretched beyond recognition, you’ve got tits down to your knees and what for, for God’s sake?

Edina: Look at that…what do you think that is there?
Saffie: It’s a sticker with a green tree on it.
Edina: Yes…
Saffie: What does that mean?
Edina: ‘Kind To Trees’, sweetie.
Saffie: How are they kind to trees?
Edina: Well they ain’t made of wood, how kind do you want?