Ally McBeal


Ally: Law and love are the same – romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection.

Richard: You look fabulous.
Ally: I know, I just got fired for it.

Ally: That’s the thing about me. I make all my clients forget about all their troubles by giving them bigger ones.

Billy: Did you fiddle with my wife’s wattle?

Richard: What’s inside doesn’t count, it’s how they look. Fishism.

Ally: I’m trying to desensitize myself to murder so I can be a better lawyer.
Billy: Why don’t you just watch the news?

Ally (to a stranger who bumped into her): Hey, no don’t say you’re sorry when you’re not sorry, you didn’t even look up and see who you bumped into. What if I was an old lady? I could have fallen down and broken a hip. I could be lying on my back in some HMO, my lungs filling up with phlegm till I’m on life support draining my family of every last cent of their inheritance while I, I asphyxiate on my own dried mucous, no don’t say you’re sorry when you’re not sorry.

Ally: You might think there’s an explanation, but you’d be wrong.

John: Would people PLEASE stop throwing shoes at me?!

Richard: Unisex studies show it helps men and women employees breed familiarity, so long as they don’t come in to just breed.

Richard Fish: You’re not who you are, you’re only what other people think you are. Fishism.

Richard: Love- you can’t bank on it… it’s an unsafe bridge. The only thing you can bring to the bank? Money.

Richard: Helping people is never more rewarding especially if it’s in your own self-interest.

Harry: You can’t win the raffle if you don’t at least buy a ticket.

Renee: Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin’ a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it’s Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin’ a guy.
Ally: So basically we’re screwed up because of…
Renee: Disney.

Ally: I’ve been dumped before, Renee. This isn’t pain I’m feeling, it’s nostalgia.

Ally: Today is gonna be a, uh, a less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that everything is going to be… less bad.

Billy: When Georgia and I make love, don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic.
Ally: Great, I would’ve hated to get that wrong.

Tracey (Ally’s therapist): Sometimes when a patient says something so competely naive, I find that my own laughter just isn’t enough.

Richard: I plan to have character one day, great character, but if you want to be rich you better get the money before the scruples set in.

Whipper: No, I don’t think you’re nuts, but I don’t think that you have both feet on the ground either.
Ally: You mean some people do?

Richard: John… a second of your time. We started this firm with the same dream, did we not?
John: Money.
Richard: In pursuit of that dream we agreed that I would be the shark, the hammer, the ass, and you would be the pillar of dignity, this was the deal… Have I not been every bit the ass you envisioned?
John: And more.
Richard: It escapes me as to how soliciting hookers fits into your scheme, but instead of belaboring it I’d like to focus on the positive. The fact that when a person reveals a flaw he often does so by digging deeper unto himself. What happened to you can only build character. John you are a stronger man today than you were yesterday. I can even feel it just standing next to you. Just feel it. The strength! Well done!

Richard: I’m nothing if not redundant! I also repeat myself.

Renee: It’s come to this. You’re humping the tree!

Richard: There’s no embarassing way to earn money.