Ally McBeal


John Cage: A fat man, trying to squeeze through a narrow chimney, and I taunt him with Oreos and whole milk.

on Santa Claus

John: It’s not easy to meet women. Sure I can walk into a bar and buy a lady a drink and under the pretext of a perhaps budding realtionship seduce her into satisfying my sexual needs, but that goes against my grain to deceive another person no matter what the physical gratification. So I thought it more honest to solicit a prostitute.

Richard: Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there’ll be a third and a fourth…you’ll be thinking forever.

Ling: Face it, we don’t want anyone spelunking in our emotional cores. The echo would kill them.

Ally: It’s alright to believe in things you know aren’t real!

Richard Fish: Is that the two cents? I’d be looking for change.

Ally: When I eat jell-o I feel better. Don’t ask me to reduce it to a science!

Richard: It’s not winning, it’s winning ugly that matters.

Tracey: Fruitcakes like you heat my pool.

Ally: So how has it come to this? We’re smart women, we’re fairly attractive.
Renee: I’m even hot.

Ally: Remember, when you’re with me, it’s the only time you’re not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

Richard: It’s not my style to care about others, but, what’s going on?

Richard: Problem is just a bleak word for a challenge.

Ally: I like being a mess. It’s who I am.

Ling: Variety is the spice of life.

Georgia: Ally, what makes your problems so much bigger than everybody else’s?
Ally: They’re mine.

Richard: Ally, one of the keys to life: the fast forward. Every movie has its lousy parts. The trick is to fast forward through them. As time passes, you look back and say oh, that little adultery thing, oh that. You fast forward to then right now, and you’re over it.

Richard: I couldn’t help but overhear, probably because I was eavesdropping.

Richard: Love is an equation: a me and a you derives a we.

Richard: Secrets are no good when you can’t repeat them. Fishism.

Ally: We’re women. We have a double standard to live up to.

Ally: Sometimes I’m tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn’t get to wear my outfits.

Richard: We miss you with every opportunity, Elaine. Kidding. Bygones. Go away.

Elaine: Men love to be thought of as funny… except when they’re in bed.

Claire Otoms: The funny thing I find about love is that it’s the one game you lose without even playing it.