Ally McBeal


Ally: I’ve been dumped before, Renee. This isn’t pain I’m feeling, it’s nostalgia.

Ally: Today is gonna be a, uh, a less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that everything is going to be… less bad.

Billy: When Georgia and I make love, don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic.
Ally: Great, I would’ve hated to get that wrong.

Tracey (Ally’s therapist): Sometimes when a patient says something so competely naive, I find that my own laughter just isn’t enough.

Richard: I plan to have character one day, great character, but if you want to be rich you better get the money before the scruples set in.

Whipper: No, I don’t think you’re nuts, but I don’t think that you have both feet on the ground either.
Ally: You mean some people do?

Richard: John… a second of your time. We started this firm with the same dream, did we not?
John: Money.
Richard: In pursuit of that dream we agreed that I would be the shark, the hammer, the ass, and you would be the pillar of dignity, this was the deal… Have I not been every bit the ass you envisioned?
John: And more.
Richard: It escapes me as to how soliciting hookers fits into your scheme, but instead of belaboring it I’d like to focus on the positive. The fact that when a person reveals a flaw he often does so by digging deeper unto himself. What happened to you can only build character. John you are a stronger man today than you were yesterday. I can even feel it just standing next to you. Just feel it. The strength! Well done!

Richard: I’m nothing if not redundant! I also repeat myself.

Renee: It’s come to this. You’re humping the tree!

Richard: There’s no embarassing way to earn money.

Ally: I mean, with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts, and the hair flips aren’t the most subtle. And your perfume — you could be flammable. Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel then?
Elaine: That was with all due respect?

Ally: It doesn’t matter that I’m not in a relationship with anybody. Sometimes I feel like I’m being unfaithful to love itself.

Richard: Bygones.

Tracey: You’re a slut. The way to your heart is through your fallopian tubes.

Ally: Every time I get depressed, I raise my hemline. If things don’t change, I’m bound to be arrested.

Elaine: A lot of people forget what they’re saying in a fit of rage, so I’ll be happy to take the minutes.

Ally: Sometimes there’s no point in the truth if the only thing it will do is cause pain.

Richard: Thank you, Elaine. Imagine my comfort having you as emotional counsel. Would that I dye my roots so I could truly benefit from your tutalege.

Ling: You said Ling hard L, hard G. It’s Ling soft L, soft G.

Ally: Whoever said that plenty of fish in the sea thing was lying; sometimes there’s only one fish. Trust me.

John Cage: A fat man, trying to squeeze through a narrow chimney, and I taunt him with Oreos and whole milk.

on Santa Claus

John: It’s not easy to meet women. Sure I can walk into a bar and buy a lady a drink and under the pretext of a perhaps budding realtionship seduce her into satisfying my sexual needs, but that goes against my grain to deceive another person no matter what the physical gratification. So I thought it more honest to solicit a prostitute.

Richard: Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there’ll be a third and a fourth…you’ll be thinking forever.

Ling: Face it, we don’t want anyone spelunking in our emotional cores. The echo would kill them.

Ally: It’s alright to believe in things you know aren’t real!