The Devil: I have always advocated family values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.
The Devil: So, Ezekiel, how did it feel? A pariah, shunned and hated by your fellow men.
Stone: Kinda reminded me of you…yeah, run out of heaven on a rail. I bet it still hurts, doesn’t it?
The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the Devil.
Stone: So you keep telling me. Go to Hell.
Stone: You know, I gotta tell you, I’m getting a little tired of breaking into desks and rifling through filing cabinets. I feel like I’m on a rerun of “Magnum P.I.”
(Stone takes his beat-up car to a mechanic)
Stone: Come on, can’t you keep at least one end from smoking?
Bogard: Maybe with a nicotine patch.
The Devil: God’s universe is not like the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.
The Devil: Love, the most delicious emotion of all. Without love you and I would be out of a job.
The Devil: Yes, yes, now that’s what I like to hear. The indomitable spirit and righteous indignation of the human species. I’ve heard it a million times defending a billion atrocities, and it’s still music to my ears.
Stone: You loved her, didn’t you?
The Devil: I never loved anyone but God, and that was a long time ago.
Stone: Do you know anything about faith?
The Devil: Faith? I was present at its creation.
Desk Clerk: Where have you been?
Stone: Out of the country.
Desk Clerk: Oh, where?
Stone: Down under.
Hirsch: I’m an Old Testament guy. You go your way, and I’ll go Yahweh.
Stone: You a football fan?
Father Horn: I love the Saints…that’s from the Vatican jokebook.
The Devil: If it means anything, I’m sorry. Sort of. Well… no, I’m not.
The Devil: Vanilla? Where’s the waitress? I only eat Rocky Road.
Stone: You really push a man to the brink.
The Devil: I am the brink.
The Devil: Junk mail, mostly. One of my lesser triumphs.