Stone: You know, I gotta tell you, I’m getting a little tired of breaking into desks and rifling through filing cabinets. I feel like I’m on a rerun of “Magnum P.I.”

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The Devil: I have always advocated family values, all the way back to Cain and Abel.

The Devil: So, Ezekiel, how did it feel? A pariah, shunned and hated by your fellow men.
Stone: Kinda reminded me of you…yeah, run out of heaven on a rail. I bet it still hurts, doesn’t it?

The Devil: Nobody beats the Devil. Are you listening? Did you hear what I said, Mr. Stone? Nobody beats the Devil.
Stone: So you keep telling me. Go to Hell.

(Stone takes his beat-up car to a mechanic)
Stone: Come on, can’t you keep at least one end from smoking?
Bogard: Maybe with a nicotine patch.

The Devil: God’s universe is not like the American legal system. You do something, you pay for it.