Xander: I cannot stress enough how much I don’t have plans.
Josh: Halloween isn’t about thrills, chills, and funny costumes; it’s about getting laid.
Edward: Is there any holiday that’s not about getting laid?
Josh: Arbor Day.
Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.
Xander: Ooh, gang, didja hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it’s my best day ever!
Buffy: Conjuring? Will, let’s be realistic here, okay? Your basic spells are usually only about 50-50.
Willow: Oh yeah? Well…so’s your face.
Riley: You don’t understand, I’m good at things. That’s what I do. I work hard, apply myself, get it done.
Willow: Well, you failed extremely well.
Xander: Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love…okay, that was gross.
Buffy: I spend all my time in the dark here anyway, it’s not like I’d be at a game you know, with my friends where someone could see me in my new monster part.
Angel: Hey…I won’t let anything happen to you if I can help it, and no matter what I’ll love you even if you’re covered with slime.
Buffy: I liked everything until that part.
Buffy: I didn’t jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.
Buffy: There’s no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Willow: I think I’m gonna barf.
Buffy: Except that.
Buffy: Am I crazy?
Willow: Well, crazy is such a strong word.
Giles: Let’s not rule it out, though.
Faith: Every guy, from Manimal down to Mr. I-Love-The-English-Patient, has beast in him.
Xander: Who’s the little fear demon? Come on, who’s the little fear demon?
Giles: Don’t taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it’s just…tacky.
Giles: Yes, always behind on terms. I’m still trying not to refer to you lot as ‘bloody colonials.’
Spike: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.
Xander: We’re right behind you, only further back.
Xander: Aren’t you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Giles: Tea is soothing, I wish to be tense.
Xander: Okay, but you’re destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Vampire: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No. The fact that you’re fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.
Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.
Spike: Passions is on! Timmy’s down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it I’ll…
Giles: You’ll do what? Lick me to death?
Buffy: Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it’s kind of my job.
Spike: For now.
Buffy: What, you want me to stop working?
Spike: Let’s see. Do I want you to give up killing my friends? Yeah, I’ve given it some thought.
Xander: Well, not much goes on in a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale.
Cordelia: So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I’m 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
Willow: He’s delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Oz: You too, huh?