Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?
Cordelia: How many times have you been knocked out anyway? I swear, one of these times you’re gonna wake up in a coma.
Giles: Wake up in a….. Oh, never mind.
The Mayor (after Giles stabs him): Whoa! Well, now, that was a little thoughtless. Violent outbursts like that in front of the children. You know Mr. Giles, they look to you to see how to behave.
Xander: I have my pride. Okay, I don’t have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can’t do this.
Xander: I am the bug man, kew, kew, katchoo.
Principal Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, ‘Think of your principal as your pal.’ I say think of me as your judge, jury and executioner.
Xander: Think of the happy. If we don’t find what we’re looking for, we’re facing the apocalypse.
Spike (cheering up): Really? You’re not just saying that?
Willow: A gig? How come I didn’t know?
Oz: Didn’t figure you for skipping school.
Willow: You think I’m boring.
Oz: I’d call that a radical interpretation of the text.
Buffy: Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn’t revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamed that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.
Principal Snyder: What’s in the bag?
Student: My lunch.
Principal Snyder: Is that the new drug lingo?
Angel: Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough?
Buffy: Duh, yes!
Principal Snyder: I know Principal Flutie would have said, ‘Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.’ That’s the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Spike: I like people. They’re like Happy Meals with legs.
Willow: How come you didn’t tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Buffy: I thought that was the point.
Spike: I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can’t go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her! She is the Chosen One, after all. Come one, vampires, rrrr, nasty! Let’s annihilate them. For justice, and for… the safety of puppies, and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil! Let’s kill something! Oh, come on!
Xander: Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you.
Buffy: Hey! Look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan.
Vampire: You killed him!
Faith: What are you, the narrator?
Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive; I’ve seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.
Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed…and also smoking.
Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.
Buffy: What if the girl wants to, and the guy doesn’t? That’s a bad sign, right?
Xander: Could be. Or the girl caught the guy in one of the seven annual minutes he is legitimately too preoccupied to… do it.
Spike: I’m saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn’t chase the other puppies anymore.
Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: Not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event you kill and eat an animal. A ritual sacrifice… with pie.
Willow: I’m a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!