Xander: You’re considered somewhat cool.
Oz: I am?
Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-commital sentences?
Oz: Could be.
Cordelia: I know what you’re up to. You think that if you get me mad enough, I won’t be so scared. And hey! It’s working. Where’s a damn weapon?
Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn’t choose yet.
Buffy: So what I’m wondering is: does this always happen? Sleep with a guy and he goes all evil?
Xander: Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
Giles: A wee bit unethical.
Buffy: Professor Walsh? That simple little recon you sent me on wasn’t a raccoon. Turns out it was me, trapped in the sewers with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons. If you think that’s enough to kill me, you really don’t know what a Slayer is. Trust me when I say you’re gonna find out.
Buffy: We saved the world, I say we party.
Anya: Men like sports. I’m sure of it.
Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that’s all you’ve learned?
Willow: I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we’re all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bit-cah?
Buffy: The girl makes Godot look punctual.
Willow: It’s the non-relationship drink of choice. It’s not a date, it’s a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it’s hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but…
Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
Willow: Okay, say that I help, and you start a conversation, it goes great, you like Buffy, she likes you, you spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and one day, without even realizing it, you find you’re in love. Time stops, and it feels like the whole world is made for you two, and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who’s now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
Riley: Yep, that’s the plan.
Willow: Guess she’s out with Riley. You know what it’s like with a spanking new boyfriend.
Anya: Yes, we’ve enjoyed spanking.
Angel: This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Mayor Wilkins: I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. “Miniature.” “Golf.”
Willow (looking at Xander’s fake ID): I don’t believe this is entirely on the up and up.
Xander: What gives it away?
Willow: Looking at it.
Willow: Buff, I’m storming off. It doesn’t really work if you come with me.
Willow: Okay, your name is Cordelia, you’re not a cat, you’re in high school, and we’re your friends. Well, sort of.
Cordelia: That’s nice, Willow. And you went mental when?
Buffy: So then Kathy’s like, ‘It’s share-time.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh yeah? Share this!’
Oz: So either you hit her or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
Buffy: Well, I didn’t do either, actually. But she deserved it, don’t ya think?
Oz: Nobody deserves mime, Buffy.
Willow: I’ve seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars.
Buffy: A Twinkie! That’s his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished.
Willow: Everyone’s getting spanked but me.
Angel: I saw you before you became a slayer.
Angel: I watched you and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps and I loved you.
Angel: Cause I could see your heart. You held it out before you for everyone to see, and I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it with my own.
Buffy: That’s beautiful…or taken literally incredibly gross.
Angel: I was just thinking that too.
Willow: When I’m with a boy I like I can’t say anything cool, or witty–or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.