Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive; I’ve seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.

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Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.

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Xander: Ooh, gang, didja hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it’s my best day ever!

Buffy: Conjuring? Will, let’s be realistic here, okay? Your basic spells are usually only about 50-50.
Willow: Oh yeah? Well…so’s your face.
Buffy: What?

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Willow: Well, you failed extremely well.

Xander: Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love…okay, that was gross.

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