Vampire: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No. The fact that you’re fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple.

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More from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.

Enemies

Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn’t choose yet.

Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Oh. Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. Wait, on second thought, yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.

The Harsh Light of Day

Willow: Okay, say that I help, and you start a conversation, it goes great, you like Buffy, she likes you, you spend time together, feelings grow deeper, and one day, without even realizing it, you find you’re in love. Time stops, and it feels like the whole world is made for you two, and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who’s now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.
Riley: Yep, that’s the plan.

Willow: Guess she’s out with Riley. You know what it’s like with a spanking new boyfriend.
Anya: Yes, we’ve enjoyed spanking.