Greg: Dharma, I love your family very much. But my father is going to bludgeon your father to death with a brick, and I’m going to let him.
Dharma: Listen to this crap. “Labor pains hurt because our brain doesn’t know how to listen to our uterus. So set aside some time each day to dialog with your uterus, your cervix, and yes, your vagina.”
Greg: That the new Harry Potter?
Kitty: You want to save the duck, you need to save the lake. You want to save the lake, you need to raise money. You want to raise money, you need to find some ninny to be man of the year.
Dharma: One time when I was babysitting your monkey, I took him to a fancy party without telling you.
Jane Deaux: Is that where he started smoking again?
Jane Deaux: Do you know how hard it is to get a nicotine patch to stick to a monkey?
Greg: What are you doing?
Dharma: Wait a second, can you see me?
Dharma: Oh, I totally misunderstood that “groom can’t see the bride in her wedding dress” thing.
Greg: Were you this sarcastic before we met or is this something I have done?
Dharma: A little you, a little your mother.
Kitty: Come Edward, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.
Edward: I hope his name is Johnny Walker.
Kitty: It’s the archbishop.
Edward: I hope it’s Archbishop Johnny Walker.