Do Not Adjust Your Set


Eric: Don’t forget, when you stir the Christmas pudding, make a wish.
Denise: I wish I didn’t have to stir this pudding.

Denise: This is a wonderful traditional Yuletide game. It’s called the Indian Ocean Game. Everybody sits round in a circle, and the first person to mention that the Indian Ocean is forty thousand fathoms deep, loses.

Eric: Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can’t go very far wrong.

Eric: First of all, a big hello to all our viewers. Hello Mrs. Green, hello Mr. Green, hello Mum. I think that’s everyone.

Eric: Here’s a word for all of those who’ve been lucky enough to get away for Christmas.
Escaped Convict: Keep out of sight and don’t appear on television.

If every day were Christmas day
By some fantastic trick
If every day were Christmas day
We’d all be bloomin’ SICK.

Eric: The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?

Terry: You know, every Christmas, I feel like a little child. But we always get turkey.

Chef Ivor Clarke: Ten shillings in sixpences, forty-two pounds in thruppences, and seven pence. It’s going to be a rather rich pudding, but who cares.

Michael: Here are some really exciting games you can play this Christmas. And first, from Terry, here is the A and B Game.
Terry: Well, all the guests are divided into two teams, A and B. And B are the winners. …Well, you CAN make it more complicated if you want to.

Michael: Here’s a viewer’s letter. It comes from Mrs. Margaret Forsdyke: “Since watching your program, I have become a new person. Yours sincerely, Mr. Arthur Vickers.”

Michael: I got three hundred and sixty Christmas cards! …And I’m not sending ANY of them until someone sends ME one.

Michael: Now here’s Denise to show you how to tell your friends’ fortunes.
Denise: Ask their bank managers.