Eric: Bear in mind the simple rule, X squared to the power of two minus five over the seven point eight three times nineteen is approximately equal to the cube root of MCC squared divided by X minus a quarter of a third percent. Keep that in mind, and you can’t go very far wrong.

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More from Do Not Adjust Your Set

Eric: Don’t forget, when you stir the Christmas pudding, make a wish.
Denise: I wish I didn’t have to stir this pudding.

Denise: This is a wonderful traditional Yuletide game. It’s called the Indian Ocean Game. Everybody sits round in a circle, and the first person to mention that the Indian Ocean is forty thousand fathoms deep, loses.

Eric: First of all, a big hello to all our viewers. Hello Mrs. Green, hello Mr. Green, hello Mum. I think that’s everyone.

Eric: Here’s a word for all of those who’ve been lucky enough to get away for Christmas.
Escaped Convict: Keep out of sight and don’t appear on television.

Eric:
If every day were Christmas day
By some fantastic trick
If every day were Christmas day
We’d all be bloomin’ SICK.