Dowager Countess: Good heavens, what am I sitting on?
Matthew: A swivel chair.
Dowager Countess: Another modern brainwave?
Matthew: Not very modern, they were invented by Thomas Jefferson.
Dowager Countess: Why does every day involve a fight with an American?
Matthew: I’ll fetch a different one.
Dowager Countess: No, no, no, no – I’m a good sailor.

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Robert: I thought you didn’t like him.
Dowager Countess: Well so what? I have plenty of friends I don’t like.
Robert: Would you want Mary to marry one of them?
Dowager Countess: Why do you always have to pretend to be nicer than the rest of us?

Dowager Countess: Oh my dears. Is it really true? I can’t believe it. Last night he looked so well. Of course it would happen to a foreigner. It’s typical.
Lady Mary: Don’t be ridiculous.
Dowager Countess: I’m not being ridiculous. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else’s house – especially somebody they didn’t even know.

Lady Mary: Sybil is entitled to her opinions.
Dowager Countess: No. She isn’t until she is married, then her husband will tell her what her opinions are.

Dowager Countess: Give him the date for when Mary’s out of mourning. No one wants to kiss a girl in black.

Robert: A job? You do know I mean to involve you in the running of the estate.
Matthew: Don’t worry, there are plenty of hours in the day. And of course I’ll have the weekend.
Dowager Countess: What is a weekend?